By Jojette Asumbrado Ramos
In the absurdities of life, one will aim forming a
conclusive foundation to anchor to reality. But what is reality? Is it in adjusting
to what is acceptable to the society where we live? There were just times, it
could be obnoxious to the will, to be compelled to align to what is normative
rather than pursue what you want to do.
When I was younger, I followed
that kind of thinking, to please the people around me. But I know, deep down
there were things I’d rather do otherwise. There were glitzes, of course, I had
seen it when I tried to reminisce the past. I was able to follow the dictate of
my inner self, I felt proud of myself then.
Subtle in ways, that is how I
would describe myself before. But when I do write in my diary, that is when I
am so alive and free. The people around me were content to see me achieved from
different levels in my school, but no one ever talked to me heart-to-heart.
They must have thought, I do not have any concerns, and that I could manage by
myself. The problem with that thinking was, it created a lonely childhood. And
the worst scenario, nobody knew about it since no one asked me. I ended up
analyzing and making justifications for everything. I had learned to live
inside my mind.
In my mind are jumbled
questions and self-help answers which pathetically, I got from books I read. I
guess, this is the reason I had developed a passion for reading. Through it, I
had garnered knowledge which I cannot have from other people around, or it
could be, I had chosen to distance myself from them.
Now, I am a mature person,
free from the qualms of society or it could be just a feeling of being closer
to deathbed, rumors and back stabbing do not have the same stigma as I was
younger. Therefore, I will only speak my mind if I feel like it or keep my
silence because I want to. It will be my choice, not yours.
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